How to impress a man/woman
How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up naked,
bring beer.
A Doctor was addressing a large audience:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
-- Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.
-- Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.
-- Man who run in front of car get tired.
-- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
-- Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
-- Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
-- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
-- Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
-- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
-- Baseball is wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.
-- War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.
-- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Which branch of the military do babies join?
The infantry!
